Ruben Journey to Life

 Today I had a dream where I had a professional fishing pole and was fishing on a boat for big fish, then I received a call saying that I can't do that and I am supposed to fish from the shore with a cheap pole for smaller fish, as if there is scarcity, to portray scarcity propaganda when in reality there is no scarcity, so it was the voice of a 'big brother' type system. I also had a nice car that had doors open vertically. In this dream I can see my scarcity mindset where I believe I can only get the minimum in life but my inner self is rebelling saying that I can have abundance if I overcome this mindset and refuse to live in the bare minimum. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to live in scarcity I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can decide to fish in the bigger pond I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can aim high instead of on the bare minimum I forg

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the self forgiveness that I write I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear more than what I am I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seem directive and effective when I don't walk it in real life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fake in not walking the talk  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a 'high online persona' instead of walking the process for me first I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe appearances are important I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not show the reality of myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide the mess that is my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show my relationship with addictions I forgive myself that I have acc

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid writing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unless I support myself no one will do it for me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide what happens to me ultimately I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in a way the world is in my hands I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to shun responsibility for myself and this reality I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot change my reality or that of this world I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am created in the image and likeness of God a

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate to porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back to watching porn every time I stop I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the obvious abuse that is porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am supporting abuse in participating in porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put as an excuse to watch porn that 'I don't have a girlfriend' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that porn makes me less likely to be attractive to females I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use porn as opium to procrastinate and not do anything else I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money to survive I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ultimately dying I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being homeless I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay rent I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough income to pay for food I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to choose what I eat I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being put on the list of defaulters and have bad credit for not paying debts I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay my debts I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get a job when I need one I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addictied to scrolling feeds I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how scrolling feeds work, seemingly infinite loss of time I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ot waste time with scrolling feeds such as facebook and instagram and tiktok I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I could be doing something else more meaningful when I am watching scrolling feeds I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to short-time information I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invest my time in scrolling feeds when I could be doing something else more productive such as writing or reading a book I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will find something of worth in scrolling feeds I forgive myself that I have accepted and

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwed myself to forget to live life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that addiction is not life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I should avoid addiction and enjoy things that I truly enjoy instead I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I enjoy addiction I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't really enjoy addiction I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I enjoy other things way more than addiction I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that addictions are not satisfying I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that addiction is not enjoyable I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not release myself from addiction for

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have 'worst fears' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back to addictions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to overcome addiction I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'every step is on the way' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am able to decide what I do in every moment of breath I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myselft to fear going back to old patterns and behaviors I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that every breath is a new beginning and opportunity I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am the deciding factor in what I do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control I forgive myself that I have accepted an

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the outside to change instead of me changing myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the external has to mirror the internal change immediately I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that maybe Nothing will change as I change myself, as I have to direct change I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become discouraged whenever nothing changes on the outside when I work towards changing myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the outer need a teacher in order to change and won't change spontaneusly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I myself also had a teacher in Desteni, Bernard Poolman, the Portal, all the material and the Desteni group I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to become a t

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to claim I am special by not eating sugar I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to claim I am special for not going into addictions like cigarettes and porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what should be strange would be a porn addicition, not not watching porn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim I am different or special by not having addictions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that not having addicitons is the normal way to be, not addicted to everything I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that not having any addicion makes me special instead of seeing that I am merely being an example I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that being an example doesn't mean to be special, only an example I forgive myself that I have accepte

 I had a dream that consisted of a lot of peple whom I know preparing for war, a lot came but they despised me, I told them of a way to avoid the battle by simply going away, but I escaped alone. After a while they found me, who found me is a good question, it wasn't the 'bad guys' directly, it is like the law, the 'law' never gets you directly, first you deal with police, then with prison workers etc. I interpret the dream as: There is a battle that is ahead of all of us, and I am trying shortcuts and tricks to avoid it while everyone else is facing it head on, I will be found and 'dealt with' accordingly for not working/doing my part in this battle 'head on' as there is nowhere to hide. Within hiding there was  a point where I was being spiteful to everyone else. So doing my best every day from now on is the best I can do, not avoiding anything that must be done and facing everything directly is the way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and al

 I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the beings that played god are in fact equal and the same as me or anyone else I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consider if God is real despite the obvious proof on Earth that there is no god as seen in the disregard for Life in general I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have an afterlife I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have another life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about Earth I forgive myself that I ave accepted and allowed myself to fear taking practical steps to change myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that claiming fear 'made me not change myself' is invalid I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that all fear is invalid I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep during the day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'disconnect from everything' in sleeping during the day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwed myself to believe I need to sleep during the day while I obviously dont need it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses in order to sleep during the day  such as 'I need it' or 'I can have realizations from dreams' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, whenever I face resistence, want to sleep/sleep I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sleep for 'self evasion' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid consequence by 'sleeping off' my day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the amount of consequence in undone work that is sleeping every day du

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with music all day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in listening to music all day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed muyself to not see, realise and understand that listening to songs all day prevents me from directing myself effectively in doing what I have to do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to soothe myself with music instead of facing reality I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity where if there is no music it is boring and if there is music it is entertaining/fun I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can't hide from myself in music I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is nothing to fear in not listening to any music I forgive myself that I have

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want outside change to happen instead of changing myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect change from others instead of me changing myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to wait for anyone in order to change I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am in charge of my own Change I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want change to come from the outer instead of seeing that it can come from the inner as well I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that definitive change always come from the inner and if it comes from the outer it is usually too late I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want change to come form the outer instead of seeing that I can will it from the inner/from me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider giving up in any circumstance I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can 'never give up' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that giving up is not justified in any situation I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I never give up I will not make it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that giving up is giving up on everybody, giving up something for nothing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that energy is nothing while beings in this reality and the hereafter are real I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I don't fulfill my part in doing what is best for All at all times then my part will remain unfulfilled I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being destitute and homeless

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am capable of all that I set my mind to do I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by looking at my past I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can become more in every moment of breath I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not my past I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bored instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am going through a process of detox from all addictions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge boredom as bad I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to give myself purpose I forgive myself that I have accepted and all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reaction to everything I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to everyone else I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everyone has a path and it is not about comparing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I would be happier if I had wife and kids I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a 'normal life'  I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't have to compare myself to anyone else I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that 'not wanting to do anything' is a reaction and not who I really am I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in apathy I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my