Day 31: Dream of Responsibility

 I had a dream that consisted of a lot of peple whom I know preparing for war, a lot came but they despised me, I told them of a way to avoid the battle by simply going away, but I escaped alone. After a while they found me, who found me is a good question, it wasn't the 'bad guys' directly, it is like the law, the 'law' never gets you directly, first you deal with police, then with prison workers etc.

I interpret the dream as: There is a battle that is ahead of all of us, and I am trying shortcuts and tricks to avoid it while everyone else is facing it head on, I will be found and 'dealt with' accordingly for not working/doing my part in this battle 'head on' as there is nowhere to hide. Within hiding there was  a point where I was being spiteful to everyone else.

So doing my best every day from now on is the best I can do, not avoiding anything that must be done and facing everything directly is the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that 'Fear' can only exist of the mind as thoughts and self interest, whereas if I stop the mind as thoughts I will have no fear, and will be able to stop self interest definitively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the 'battle' and go into hiding instead of battling with everyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'losing the battle' and thus rather avoid it than facing it head on

I forgive myself tht I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that avoiding diffiulties won't make them wear off/go away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that we are all in this together and I should shoulder my part of responsibility for everything that must be faced

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is nowhere to hide from facing what is here as Earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid taking responsibility for myself and try to hide

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my responsibilities by: Sleeping, Procrastinating and Evading within resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face my responsibilities head on and see them for what they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I make responsibilities bigger than what they are by not looking at them and facing them head on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is some point I cannot surmount/overcome and thus not bother in trying/going for it because if I don't try/do it then there is not possiblitity of failure - instead of seeing realizing and understanding that don't facing a point is failing at it from the get go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face points within the fear that I might/can fail at doing them - within wanting to preserve ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do things where I am guaranteed to succeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't succed at something, this something somehow defines me - which is not true/real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myselft to see that whenever I don't succeed at something it means I should do it again and that's it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to do anything that i judged as difficult in fear that I would fail and define myself as a failure/loser instaead of seeing that I can do it again as many times as necessary

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I fail at something it is only a matter of doing it again - athough there has to a great deal of carefulness as doing things again carry a form of consequence every time - which is having to do the same thing from the beggining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful to everyone else by not 'going to battle' with everyone else in a common goal, wich is spitefulness because if I exist I should put my best effort to what is Best for All and if I don't I am being spiteful and I should not exist.

When and as I see myself not wanting to face a point, I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is always a possibility of not making it and some times there will be a greater possiblitiy to not make it than to make it but it doesn't mean I should not give it my best shot every single time.

When and as I see myself wanting to avoid responsibility, I stop and I breathe. I realize avoiding responsibility means that I give up the hability to respond to the issue and thus I become of no relevance and cease to exist.

I commit myself to always face responsibility head on - and never hide away from it.

I commit myself to honour this Earth by doing my best in every moment of breath to stop all abuse, here and in the Universe.