Day 40: Fake Persona


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the self forgiveness that I write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear more than what I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seem directive and effective when I don't walk it in real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fake in not walking the talk 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a 'high online persona' instead of walking the process for me first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe appearances are important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not show the reality of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide the mess that is my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show my relationship with addictions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use blogs as advertising instead of using them to support myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what others think of me is important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk my process for me but as a front

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show that I fall time and time again for the same things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear wise and accomplished when I am not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the solutions and instead want to keep a front for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can fool someone 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is better that I remain silent than to front

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work on myself for real but to keep an appearance for others to see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put more value on how I am perceived than on who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep an online persona to feed my ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support myself for real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is of no use to try to fool others as I am only fooling myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the argument of being a long time member of Desteni as a badge of sorts that apparently gives me superiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have a clue about process 'for real'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that listening to or reading the material doesn't mean anything if I don't apply it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach process with ego instead of real self change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that based on the facts one could say I am a fraud

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get approval from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'as long as I do what Destonians do' I am a Destonian 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being part of the group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not what I do but who I am in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to start over instead of realizing I have never really started or stood up for real 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that pretending to be someone I am not is self dishonest 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep a front of 'standing' when I have never stood up for myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I think I am always falling when in fact I have never standed 

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