Day 91: Heartbeat

 

The guy from the ambulance said I have a strong heart. I tried to 'commit suicide' by tensing really hard my upper body, it didn't work, I was upset that no one was kind on that train I was on, only old hags and a stupid youngster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a heart attack and die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must be here with all others to solve this mess

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can escape this reality by dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be man enough until now to stand up for myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot change this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am in a privileged or elite position, and must take responsibility by first of all continuing to write blogs and then for seven years come to nothingness and start creating anew



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive I don't have purpose in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have purpose in fact in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to falter on my purpose every time I give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can in fact not give up ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there will be change eventually if I keep pushing

I commit myself to keep pushing for All Life

I commit myself to remind myself that eventually there will be a new system in place, an Equal Money System

I commit myself to remind myself 40% of the world dont have flushing toilets and in fact I will join them if I do not stand up from my elite position to remediate it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live like the afterlife is better while in fact there will be more consequence even, as I am coming from a world that is not best so how come it can be better the afterlife?

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