Day 46: Gladiator No More


 I liked the movie 'Gladiator'. As I saw it, the life of the main character was a complete struggle, having to fight to survive and - spoiler alert - his death is like a 'liberation' - even the soundtrack of the last scene is called 'Now We Are Free'. 

I have seen my life as a struggle in a way and have seen that I am expecting death to be a liberation, like in the movie.

350 billion years of process awaits me if I die and have not created myself as life - see this post of the Desteni material for reference.

Walking my process on Earth quantifies my process to the tune of approximately 1200 years per one/at every breath. {350 billion years divided by about 40 years of life left at aprox 20,000 breaths per day}

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the opportunity I have to create myself as life this lifetime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe death will somehow liberate me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the chance that I got in this one life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everyone and everything is in place supporting myself to stand up for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once I am dead this chance is over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have Everything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this one opportunity will run out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to suffer for no reason

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it's only too late when I am dead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can seize this one opportunity I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the abysmal difference between walking my process in-life or in-death 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that success is not money but being self-realized 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with more money one can get nicer things but with enough money I can sustain myself, support myself to realize myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that time is of the essence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my life for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have faith in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have to live with what I do in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give value to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am ready to sort myself out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough fucked up to sort myself out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in every moment I am ready to support myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am worth it as much as I give worth to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not stand up for myself 

I commit myself to stand up for myself no matter what

I commit myself to remind myself to stand up no matter what





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