Day 44: Enjoy 'Cornholio'


' I am cornholio, I need tipi for my bungole!'

That's a phrase from Beavis, from a cartoon I like called Beavis and Butt-head, and I find very funny.

Sometimes I forget to enjoy myself, to take a break from being so serious.

Life is not black and white, and I see I am so hard on myself most of the time and participate in toxic shame for my participation in for example, porn.

Toxic shame is when I try to cleanse myself from my addiction and go polar opposite, with for example applying self forgiveness, and then I relapse.

I take my life as if all that I do in every moment will make me successful and put pressure on myself which creates the opposite, apathy and unhealthy behaviors.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not enjoy myself more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse discipline with being hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in toxic shame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the polar opposite when I participate in toxic shames Wich creates a polarity that makes me relapse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget being myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everything I do will make me either successful or a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I am hard on myself I will not enjoy life and will be miserable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with how I treat myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up at every moment effectively making me fail

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have a skewed view of success and failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that success is not a critical thing I can lose at every turn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that success is an effective life 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that success is focusing on myself first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am able to achieve an effective life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I had defined success as something unattainable and thus not bother to create for myself an effective life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life fail because of a badly defined success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself without even trying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear coming out of failure as it is familiar to me

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